Tuesday, August 11, 2009


Today, among other things, I checked out some girls. Here were the highlights.

I was driving back from the beach when I saw two girls jogging The Loop. They were not running together. One was running about five feet behind the other. I knew that due to the speed I was driving, I really only had time to check out one of them thoroughly. Sure, I could have looked at each of them quickly, but that would've left me no time to enjoy either one of them the way a real man does. So I decided to pick one of them and go with it; so I started checking out the first girl.

I saw her kind of look back at me and I swear I could hear her brain say this:

"Dude, seriously. Can a girl just run a couple of miles around Wrightsville Beach without every dude inspecting her body with his eyeballs? I don't want to see your expression that accidentally tells me what you would like to do to me. I don't want to see your eyes tell me that you approve of my appearance. Who died and put you in charge of that? Quit looking at me and just let me run. Damn!"

Then, at the last second I accidentally saw the second girl notice me checking out the first girl. I swear I could hear her brain say this:

"Damn, I agree with everything the first girl said. Wait a minute, though! Why did you check her out and not me? You bastard! That really hurts! What the fuck! Thanks for ruining my day, you heartless bastard. Can't a girl just run The Loop without every guy looking at every girl but me, and making me feel invisible and guly. Screw you, guy!"

Then I looked back at the first girl again, and I swear I could hear her mentally change course. I could see her brain say this.

"Oh, yeah. You did decide to look at me instead of some other girl I don't know and have never met, didn't you? I guess I do got it going on. You're so sweet. Thanks for picking me to check out for four seconds instead of that stupid bitch behind me. I so rock. And I so love you, Strange Pervy Guy in a Car That's Checking Me Out That I've Never Seen and Will Probably Never See Again! You just made my day!"

I do what I can ladies, I do what I can. Your welcome.